Goals - From "Should" to "Want”
From Obligation to Inspiration: Rethinking Goal Setting
In a world full of expectations, it’s easy to build your goals around what you should do—get promoted, buy a house, lose weight. But "shoulds" are often rooted in societal pressure, family expectations, or outdated beliefs. They sound productive, but they rarely sustain motivation or bring deep satisfaction. Instead, lasting fulfilment and true progress come from goals based on your wants—those driven by genuine curiosity, joy, and personal meaning.
How to Tell a "Should" From a "Want"
Wants to apply to intrinsic motivation. When you pursue what excites you—whether it's learning a new language, starting a creative side project, or shifting careers—you’re more likely to stay committed. You’re not pushing yourself to meet someone else’s standards; you’re pulled forward by a vision that reflects who you are.
To spot the difference, start by asking: Would I still want this if no one else cared or noticed? Or, does this goal energise me or weigh me down? Shoulds feel like obligations; wants feel like possibilities.
Why Intrinsic Motivation Creates Lasting Change
Restructuring your goals starts with self-awareness. Reflect on what brings you joy, when you feel most alive, and what you would do even if there were no external rewards. Then set goals that support those experiences. This doesn’t mean ignoring responsibilities—it means aligning your ambitions with your authentic self.
When goals stem from wants, effort feels more natural, progress feels more meaningful, and setbacks become part of a journey you care about. You’re not just checking boxes—you’re building a life that’s yours. So next time you’re setting goals, ditch the "shoulds." Start with what you truly want.
1. Follow What Energises You
Not all productive goals feel fulfilling—some drain you even if they look good on paper. Pay attention to how different pursuits affect your energy. Do you feel alert and engaged when thinking about this goal, or tired and anxious? For example, if the idea of launching a creative project excites you but applying for a leadership role leaves you cold, that’s important data. Energy is often a more reliable indicator of alignment than logic or obligation.
2. Check Where the Motivation Comes From
Before setting a goal, pause and ask: Who am I doing this for? Goals driven by a need for approval (from parents, peers, or society) often lead to burnout or regret. On the other hand, goals that reflect your values and priorities tend to be more sustainable. For example, getting fit because you want to feel stronger and more confident is different from doing it because you think you “should” look a certain way.
3. Revisit Past Interests and Flow Moments
Think about times—recent or in childhood—when you were deeply absorbed in what you were doing. What patterns emerge? Whether it’s writing, problem-solving, or working with your hands, these “flow” moments often point to natural strengths and interests. Use them as a starting point for goals that feel personally rewarding rather than performative.
4. Redefine What Success Means to You
Success doesn’t have to mean promotion, prestige, or a specific income bracket. Ask yourself: What do I want my life to look and feel like? Your version of success might include autonomy, creativity, meaningful relationships, or continuous learning. When you define success on your terms, it becomes easier to craft goals that reflect real wants instead of social “shoulds.”
5. Test Your Wants in Small Ways
You don’t need to commit to a major life change to explore a genuine want. Start small. Want to switch careers? Try freelance projects or volunteer in a related field. Curious about a new hobby? Take a short course or spend a weekend trying it out. This approach helps you gather real-world feedback before turning a want into a long-term goal, and it keeps the pressure low while your interest builds naturally.