Not Nice

Not Nice by Dr Aziz Gazipura is a practical and encouraging exploration of why so many people fall into the habit of being “too nice” and how this behaviour quietly limits their lives. Drawing on psychology, personal stories, and years of clinical experience, Gazipura explains that chronic niceness often develops as a survival strategy—an attempt to avoid conflict, rejection, or disapproval. While these intentions may seem positive, they frequently lead to resentment, exhaustion, and a gradual loss of one’s authentic self.

The book guides readers to recognise the subtle signs of people-pleasing, such as difficulty saying no, over-apologising, and prioritising everyone else’s needs at the expense of one’s own. Gazipura emphasises that the goal is not to become rude or selfish, but to cultivate honesty, confidence, and healthy boundaries. He reframes “not nice” as being truthful, direct, and self-respecting rather than passive or fearful.

Throughout the work, Gazipura offers practical exercises designed to help readers challenge old patterns and build a more assertive mindset. These include identifying core beliefs that fuel niceness, practising small acts of courageous truth-telling, and learning to tolerate the discomfort that may arise when others do not immediately approve. By encouraging readers to interrupt automatic habits, he helps them move towards a more empowered way of relating to others.

A major theme of Not Nice is personal freedom—the idea that life becomes richer when one stops trying to control others’ perceptions and instead acts from genuine values and desires. Gazipura highlights that authenticity often leads to deeper connections, because relationships built on honesty are more resilient and meaningful.

Overall, the book provides a clear, compassionate, and practical guide for anyone who feels constrained by niceness and wants to develop greater confidence, integrity, and self-expression.

5 Key Takeaways

1. Niceness Is Often a Defence Mechanism, Not a Virtue

Gazipura emphasises that chronic niceness is usually rooted in fear—fear of rejection, conflict, or disappointing others. Many people-pleasers learned early in life that staying agreeable kept them safe or liked. While this strategy may have helped in the past, it becomes limiting in adulthood. Understanding niceness as a protective habit, rather than an inherent personality trait, allows readers to question whether it still serves them.

2. People-Pleasing Leads to Hidden Costs

One of the book’s central messages is that being excessively nice comes with significant emotional and practical consequences. These include resentment, burnout, blurred boundaries, and a weakened sense of identity. Niceness can also attract unhealthy or unbalanced relationships, as others may take advantage of someone who never says no. Recognising these costs is essential for building healthier patterns of behaviour.

3. Authenticity Is More Valuable Than Being Liked

Gazipura encourages readers to shift their focus from pleasing others to expressing what is true for them. Being authentic involves honesty, direct communication, and a willingness to disappoint people when necessary. He argues that authenticity creates deeper, more meaningful relationships because it allows others to know the real person instead of a polished façade designed to avoid disapproval.

4. Discomfort Is a Necessary Part of Growth

A major theme of the book is learning to tolerate discomfort. Breaking the habit of niceness often involves difficult conversations, setting boundaries, or saying no. These actions may trigger guilt, anxiety, or fear of backlash. Gazipura teaches readers that these feelings are normal and temporary, and that moving through them is essential for building confidence and inner strength.

5. Assertiveness Is a Skill That Can Be Practised

The book offers numerous exercises to help readers develop assertiveness and self-respect. These include experimenting with small acts of truth-telling, rehearsing boundary-setting, and challenging negative beliefs that undermine one’s confidence. Gazipura stresses that assertiveness is not the same as aggressiveness; instead, it is a balanced, respectful way of expressing one’s needs and values. With consistent practice, anyone can become less “nice” and more empowered.